I am very pleased to see that I have had 105 page views so far! I really am happy that people are reading the post from yesterday! I was discouraged to see that we had no comments yesterday and no discussion, but I know that some people are hesitant to post. I am a writer, so I am not shy about placing my thoughts and feelings online for all to see. Most of you can probably tell this by my facebook posts. I'm brutally honest about myself most of the time and I'm my hardest critic. I have been dealing with a lot lately as far as God opening my eyes and my heart. I can't tell you what an emotional day I had yesterday! I feel like God is breaking my heart and I'm only on day 2 of this challenge. That means that he is definitely moving and the Holy Spirit is working through this blog post. If not for anyone else, he definitely is for me. I am very thankful for this!
In John Chapter 2, we see where Jesus performed the first miracle. He turned water to wine because his mother involved him in this situation. Isn't that just like us ladies....trying to fix everything and play hostess. I think that Mary knew her son could perform this miracle and that if she prompted him to try, then he would fix the issue of not having any more wine at the ceremony.
In verse 10, it says, "and said, 'Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.'"
As I was reading this, I began to think about how that wine began as nothing but water. When Jesus touched it, (figuratively or physically-it isn't clear how he turned the water into wine..that's why it's called a miracle!)he changed it into something better. Sometimes, my life is like that water. I began my life as a sinner. I was saved at the age of 15. I wish that I could say that I had a radical experience and changed immediately, but I struggled with temptations and gave in to a lifestyle that I shouldn't have lived. I was still in the "water" stage of my life because I wasn't willing to let God change me into something better. Once I matured and grew up, I began to feel that I didn't deserve forgiveness and I didn't deserve for God to work in my life because of the mistakes that I have made in my past. This is a recent struggle that I have been dealing with. Since I started this challenge, Satan has used every thing in his power to convince me that I'm worthless, ugly, messed up beyond repair, and useless. I have struggled to forgive myself for my past. I need to be more like Mary in the sense that I need to trust and know that Jesus can "fix" me just like he fixed the problem at the ceremony in John 2. He changed the plain water into wine. Not only wine, but the best wine that was present at the wedding! This means that God can change me into someone who is better than what I am now and that is better than what I was in the past. No matter what I've done, he can "fix" me if I allow him to.
Verse 24-25 of John states, "But Jesus did not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person."
I understand that in these verses Jesus is speaking of knowing the hearts of the Jews and the people who were selling things within the temple. It says he knew their hearts and knew what was in each person. If Jesus knew the hearts of those men during that time, then he knows our hearts now also. The word of God cannot be changed. It is the same now as it was then. Jesus hasn't changed anything since then. He intercedes on my behalf every day! Not only did he die for my sins, but he continues to forgive me and ask God to have mercy on me on a daily basis because I screw up! If Jesus, who died for me, still asks for mercy for me, then why can I not forgive myself for those sins that have already been covered by his blood. I have been bitter and angry about things because my life hasn't worked out the way I wanted it to work out. I have remained in church and done the right thing, and then been angry because my life isn't working out how I want it to. That's the mindset I've had and I've been angry because things weren't going the way I wanted. How completely selfish is that?! God has a plan for my life and that plan is better than any plan I have for myself. It's not my job to look into the future and try to "fix" things...it's my job to live every day for Jesus Christ. The rest will fall into place when it is time.
I know this post has been more about me than anything, but I just wanted to share my thoughts and what God was already doing in my life. I am still praying that God is working in your lives as well!
Thanks again!
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